I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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