I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
