i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
