why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
