Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have aggressive nipples.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
