Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
