Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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