I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the raccoons are back...
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