I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
