and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
