Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
