no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
