Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
