Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cut my penus on the lid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
