This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
