You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Damn victory sex feels great
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
