Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize