Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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