We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sext me about skeletons
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
