We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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