the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
