thus making me awesome and them whores
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize