oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
