Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
