I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
