Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Who did Billy Mays play for?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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