Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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