i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
