My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My vagina just recognized that song.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
