So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
