guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
