Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
