I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
