she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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