I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
