I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
