me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
