did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
