After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
