I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
