when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
