Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
