am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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