ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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