she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize