I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
