It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
