I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
