Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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