he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
