Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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