he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
