1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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