Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
