the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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