I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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