My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
