I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i need some magic done to my vagina
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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