i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
