fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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