It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
