So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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