I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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