I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
