Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
