Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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