So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we made out on top of his cat.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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