So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
