So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
