i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
