dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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