Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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