Got a toothbrush?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize