I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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