I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
