3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
