i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
