I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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