My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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