Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my penis made a compromise with my morals
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
