So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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