i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
